TO THE ONE I LOVED....

Few years back, I woke up from an infinite sleep and found myself at a pretty crucial crossroad where I had to choose a path between following my emotions or my reasoning.The fact that I had walked both sides of line for a while made my decision crystal clear ....to choose the road of emotions as an intolerable feeling always creeps in when you are trying to be numb following your reasons.And I am feeling really low these days,an inevitable outcome of believing in the enigma or myth called love...so just putting some words in here,sounds a bit cliched and childish......but mind refuses to sound rhetoric when heart takes over

A REMEMBRANCE
Withered on the verge
Of a never ending night
Holding the last candle,
Shimmering with light
Your healing hands
Held me with hope
Alleviating my pain,
Pacifying my plight.

We gambolled under the sun
And glittered under the stars
Entangled in your embrace
Time erased those scars.

But then you had to leave
Like evaporating morning dew
And I stood alone, waving hands
To only friend I ever knew


I walked away as a man
Head still held high
With frozen feet, throbbing heart
And..... a silent sigh.

The spring is round the corner
The soothing breeze feels fine
I sit and sometimes wonder
What’s still left and what was mine.

Pain often pays a visit
And scars rest in their place
Your face and memories linger
Embellishing my empty space.

The music is little mellow,
It’s been so for a while
I still walk away as a man
With nothing, but a silent smile.

HUNGERY FOR A THOUGHT

The bird a nest,the spider a web,man....a thought.

Things were almost fine until this sudden revelation of an impending mediocrity of being a doctor crept in out of blues. Whenever a hackneyed routine sets in,mind starts to rust and man gradually rots, esp. if the gravity of his job leaves no space to spice it up with a little wit.

Blogging after a gap of almost 2 years feels just like scratching an old itch that leaves a soothing effect, but a feeling lingers on.......

"The ecstasy of arrival never compensates for the emptiness of departure."
-THE ENGLISH AUGUST

To start with, something I wanted to post for a long long time........

A TRAVELLER'S TALE

His journey through times,the traveller traces

Forfeiting his future,past he embraces

Recollects his cherished moments, and few familiar faces

That kept him alive in all those lifeless places.

He comes back to present,where future and past collide

On troubled waves of reality the traveller still rides

Wearing a masculine mask, those emotions he hides

Pragmatism is the key,poignantly he decides.

Now winter is the season where ever he goes

And thorns are in bloom, with no signs of rose

Friends are lost and he is surrounded by foes

Market price he paid for the path he chose.

DOOMED DOCTOR,RIP(14/11/2006-22/7/2007)

The doomed doctor is no longer doomed and he is trying ardently to come back to life like everyone around him.I don't have anything to say and i don't have anything to blog.The time has come to close yet another chapter and this time it happens to be in the cyberspace.

INFATUATED WITH WORDS

There is a very popular saying that sends this message
" words are a poor substitute for emotions".

....and if my deluded senses and are to be believed,such age old sayings have eroded the brains of those who keep on listening to them.......because words are the only substitute for my emotions.....given abstractness can be called an emotion.

SQUARE ONE and the water cycle

A liquefied life
flowing like a river,got
frozen and fragmented in mysterious
fissures of fate

Evaporated to unknown clouds by
fuming flames of mundane existence
wandering as a free soul
in the evening crimson sky

smiled sardonically at the
sorrows under this sun
and tried transiently to
eclipse the euphoric moon

finally fallen to earth
as the fresh soothing rain
and became the same
liquefied life again

lost...lost....lost

How can you go back to square one when life is moving all the time???
What can i do if the child in me refuses to die and the man is yet not prepare to face the world?
There is no term anywhere that can define melancholy/frustrations of unknown origin .
I still cant figure out how and why seemingly unimportant and easily ignorable events in the gradual course of accumulation lead to totally unexpected outcome that becomes a rapidly multiplying virus that can never be cured of.
Where are the tombstones arising after the death of any dream that you can never see but always mourn for.
So i am back to the very reason that i started writing this blog when all the so called norms of this society have gone for a fix one more time.


its not often that i find myself lost for words,lost for expression and lost about myself,but again this creepy feeling is making its presence felt in the background all the time.The vision that got implanted in my subconscious mind when i acquiesced to be a hedonist is again turning into an unfathomable drench of lost dreams,hopes,desires and i can again envision the abrupt and tragic end of a perfectly beautiful life.

sometimes this vast emptiness leaves me running amok in my own sky and sometimes it makes me numb.This ugliness arising out of nowhere is making every supposedly colourful moment gloomy and it is the time when i feel like painting everything black.

somewhere i am bleeding and that must be my brain.The term "idiopathic "is the only known explanation for this state which means "without any known cause."

I am getting lost in time and space and my thoughts are locked up in a cold prison.......was better off as a hedonist i guess!

The lunatic blues.....and birth of a legend!

This world is a crazy place and the craziest thing is.....no one believes its crazy!

I was glad when i found my friend SAGAR staring at the stars in a melancholic mood and asked the same cliched question with sadistic delight
" Man!!!why are you looking so sad?"

after staring at me in the same mood....he came with a cryptic reply
"i think i m suffering from the lack of VITAMIN G in my life"

VITAMIN G!!! there cant be a vitamin named g in those medical books that weigh in terms of kilograms.And i had heard this term somewhere else too.....and my rotten brain successfully recollected where......that mentally blond,intolerably cruel classmate of mine,with whom i was forced to sit for 3 painful hours in the train owing to the cruel coincidence called vacation.I also recollected how she transformed that train into a lecture hall asking about her boy fiend,who happens to be a pothead and definitely loves cannabis at least 10 times more than her

" why boys get into things like G(G for Ganja....may be she was too ashamed to use the term...and i had to derive its meaning by that pathetic look on her dumb face)....and why cant they go for shopping whenever they are having free time,or money ,or when they feel sad...."
.....and i played deaf for the rest of the journey.
i just gave one answer to her cluster bombing of questions
"well...I don't know anything about boys,cannabis,shopping.......and I don't know anything about anything for that matter"

I almost prevented myself from giving her the exact answer......your Boyfriend was a cool chap,even after he fell in love with cannabis.....but that degraded his brain so much that he fell in love with a girl having the IQ of a goldfish!"

pretty soon i realised that i was there to talk with my friend Sagar,who said the word G and triggered that painful process of recollection

"well! you can try cannabis but be careful against psychosis,as the textbooks say..and definitely be careful of goldfishes wandering here and there....."
He again stared at me for few seconds and came with a harsh reply
"In my dictionary G stands for girls....and I am definitely suffering for lack of love.I just dont want to talk about it with maniacs like you."

love .....that triggered another sequence of thoughts.The days when becoming a love struck kid used to the biggest kick in my life,how I certified it was the only form of addiction that existed...and couldn't help falling for it over and again......and how I concluded in esoteric terms that

"what appears love at present changes to infatuation in retrospection every time....and then evaporates away leaving behind a beautiful desert of dreams........"

and I immediately stopped my time travelling,as there was my friend Sagar to attend to,who was known to be crazy for girls ,often neglected and always ill treated by them for his lack of cleanliness,manners,looks,wisdom,language.........
........and all such traits which he never approved of and termed them as"meagre and materialistic" and was in perpetual search of a higher love that transcended all these.that search of higher love included an universal approach to anyone who was not seemingly going to beat him,any cell number where a girl was supposed to answer the call and anyone walking beside him on the road who didn't care to run away from him.This also included being cheated,ridiculed and falling to trap set by his dear friends who never missed any chance for any such act of sheer sadism

"Don't worry you have confided it to the right person,because i know some more right people who will do the right job for you!"

when i confided this "heart to heart" talk to those who lived near his room,even they became depressed to hear the sorry state of their beloved friend
"something should be done......I can no longer see that man in pain."......declared one of those ruffians living near him.

"whatever you do.don't forget that he also happens to be a human,though appears to be more of an alien.....and still believes in his tribal ways".

"I know of men who can procure a tribal girl who will willingly fall in love with him".......declared another ruffian."

I left that place to wander somewhere else but had a final chat with Mr. Sharma....the leader of ruffians in that area.." I dont know whats going to happen....but i feel guilty already...looking at these enthusiastic bastards ......i wonder "......and i really wondered for some time......


And then i met with Mr. Sharma few days later......who was radiating like Lucifer himself and disclosed the secret...........the secret that was pretty soon going to turn that college into an animal farm

"After thinking vigorously that day we concluded that its really hard to find a girl who will fall in love with some one like him.....or it can happen only if she happens to be deaf,mute, blind,physically handicapped,mentally challenged.....all at the same time to the max. That too,because i m an optimist."

"U are absolutely right.All you have to do is:

"Make a time machine and somehow exchange that ADAM with SAGAR,and i can bet my life that Eve will refuse to perform the act which started and still propels a highly confused species called human beings who always keep on thinking about something instead of doing what they are supposed to do,because they dont have any idea what to do!"....... someone said who was just passing by that place and had no idea where and why ...he was going...and went on

we again started our serious,confidential and highly important discussion

"however something had to be done and we did it! "and this time i could easily see the horns and tail of radiating Mr Lucifer."

And then he took out his digital cam and showed me the image.....the pic that was soon going to change the future of that place and as soon as i saw the" pic" i was struck with a massive laughter attack......and i guess that pic changed my entire take on life......It was a secretly taken pic of Sagar.......bathing in his bewilderment in his bathroom....and still a decent one as it did not reveal anything that any pic is not supposed to reveal.The cynosure of the pic was the smiling face of that tribal alien.....his expression was out of this planet and everything got multiplied with his magnificent glasses that he never took off.

And pretty soon everyone in the entire hostel had that pic,either on his com or cell phone.Those who didn't had a com or cell phone made it a point to see that pic daily.Then that epic pic reached girls hostel.....and for the first time Sagar became the star there too

whenever some one was sad,he saw that pic and could not help but laugh.
whenever there was nothing to do they looked at the pic and they had something to do
whenever students were getting bored in class....they saw that pic and the icon sitting in the class and again they they had a reason to be happy in the class too.
whenever someone thought how miserable his life was,he saw that pic and felt glad to be alive.

Whenever someone thought of committing a suicide they saw that pic and dared to live.



single men saw that pic and they were flooded with hope
single girls saw that pic and they cherished their single status
gays saw that pic and got motivated to change their sexual orientation
couples saw the pic and prayed and vowed not to beget an offspring like that

Everyone was happy....except Sagar ....because he had no idea that such a pic existed somewhere in the world that was a reason for many to live and to be happy......that too his own pic! that was probably one of the best kept secrets in the civilization of mankind and everyone agreed that if invention of camera somehow dated back to stone age, that can easily qualify as the first ever picture of the cave man.history can be revisited and rewritten and then every one would have lived " happily ever after."

Even Sagar eventually found a reason to be happy,now girls were always smiling when they saw him and some started laughing right in front of him.......and he actually drove them out of their senses.





........to be continued

A MIDNIGHT MISADVENTURE -2

contd. from last blog......

2am.....nowhere else to go other than some devilish place where TP Singh,still under some influence of alcohol and chaos created by three of them, was roaring to go.

"i had his phone with me when they were negotiating with that prostitute. I moved out of that sick place.soon after, a scary whore came out and started making her moves and i was damn scared( wow.....the warrior admitting the fact that he was scared).I told her i had no money and asked her to leave me alone....and just then her sunken eyes fell on the cell phone in my hands.she said that phone will do ....and again started making the same scary moves.Now i remember everything.......she must be having the cell phone with her....We have to get it back at any cost...i will burn that rotten place to ashes ...they are messing with the wrong.......... "

"stop that age old war cries...let me make a call."
"yes...call as many people as u can.we will have to face a lot of guards i think.....just like the movie sin city.....this is the chance to prove....."

"one more word and i m out of this phychotic room
i m calling Bal's number..let me see who picks the cell phone "

after few rings a deep male voice answered..."hellooooo"

NOW It was my time to get scared ...who can it be?a male prostitute ,a gigolo,a pimp...may b some police officer?.....had AB done some sort of crime by not doing anything to that eunuch? was there some unwritten law between the prostitutes and the customers.yes the police....they are always at their service.......my god! That sin city story going in my own town......

"why ain't someone speaking anything? "asked the same dark voice

scared,confused and without a clue.My complete touch with reality was turning into some sort of curse as i was the only one there who was able to do something logical.So instead of disconnecting like a coward,i just stammered bravely ......."who is speaking there"

"The guard is speaking.who are you"

i knew they must be having some guards , they must be having their savage men roaring to tear apart anyone who dared to break any of their sacred laws.

i didnt answer.initially i was silent and then i became numb,thinking about the worst possible consequence if we reached there to fight for that cell phone.may be the local newspapers will have headlines like:

"3 frustrated medical students got screwed at the red light area"
....no the bloody newspapers...all they need is entertainment value,may be something like

"the BP dons knock down poor alcoholics"
fuck...my reputation....my carrier is on the line...just to get that cell phone back?

i decided to settle the matter on the phone only.

again i asked the same question..."who is speaking?"

Though confusions and travesties were a regular feature of my daily routine,i had no idea that i was going to face this bomb of reality,that was potent enough to expose our stupidity and perpetual delusions

"I am the guard of race course.who are you?".............i immediately realized the absurdity of all those thoughts running amok inside TP's brain........and inducted into mine too

"race course....must have been some wrong number." TP declared
"i have called on his missing cell phone u idiot"
"the prostitutes must be getting laid in that race course,we can catch them now only...lets go!"
"stop for a min. desperado!

"are you having our cell phone with you?"...i asked in a soft polite tone

" i found this cell phone on the main road near race course"
"thank god!we are coming to take that phone ...where are you now?"

"sir i m standing near the gate"
"just wait 4 few minutes....I m coming to take it...thanks a lot man"

"rush TP...we have to go to the race course...the cell is there now.looks like one of you dropped it near the race course while returning from that red light area!"

I had never seen THE TRUTH driving someone into mania and depression,at the same time......before TP singh made me see it for myself.The finding of cell phone was immaterial.....because the warrior was all set for his long forbidden battle for fame!

"we dont have to fight anyone?"........first time he spoke in a melancholic tone
" you should be glad to find the cell phone back......lets get it back before BAl wakes up...its time to rush there!"
"But i will drive the bike.....at least that much action should be there!"

the drunken warrior was set for an adventure,even that night was destined for a series of unfortunate and idiotic events.I had no clue about the next episode......just knew it was inevitable!

(to be continued.....)